A Purrfect Day

The Invitation

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 01:26:33 +0800

It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.

It doesn�t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life�s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
�Yes.�

It doesn�t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn�t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

~OriahThat was about six years ago. I was going through a very rough patch in my life then. I was living my life day by day like a diseased zombie, waiting for Death to lay his claim on me. All I could feel was the dull ache in my heavy heart and a vague sense that my sanity was slipping away slowly but surely like the sand in an hourglass.

It was one of those forwarded mails i received from a friend. As I read the words, a wall crumbled within me and I became a sobbing wreak. When the tears finally subsided, I felt my heart lightened. I printed a copy of it and pinned it on the partition of my cubicle. Every morning I would read it once to start the day. Every read infuses me with a little strength and resolve to face the world. Every recital reaffirms my sense of self against the strong current of social acceptance. It was with this self-medication that got me out of that depression and possibly postponed my appointment with Death.

A few days ago, I came across Oriah's site while I was blog hopping. It's interesting how the poem surfaced in my life again when it is going through yet another downward spiral. Whether the higher powers have a hand in this, or was it through a random fluke of events, I do not know. What I do know is, the words still have the same soul-strengthening effects on me.

If you are reading this my dear, it might help you too.

Thank you so much Oriah, for your magical words, for the wonderfully inspiring masterpiece.

washed away

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 14:14:02 +0800

The tears finally flowed. All the dreams and plans of building our own beautiful world together flowed with it.. away.. into the vast ocean..

Farewell

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 21:55:42 +0800

She had always been a figure of authority, tall, stern and unsmiling. I remembered the tiny booklet, where she would record my wrongdoings, and made me sign on it, before meting out punishment, which would leave me sobbing with long throbbing welts decorating my bottom. She was always strict but seldom unreasonable. As a kid then, I always made it a point to stay out of her way as much as possible till night comes.

He would usually arrive home from work by around ten. He would greet her with a hearty laughter, which never failed to melt her stern mask. If he was not tired after his shower, he would dangle his car keys at his kids mischievously. A few of them would immediately shoot their arms out to volunteer to go get supper with him. Those days, a car ride was considered a luxurious adventure.
The best times spent with the family was the short hour or so during supper. It was always done on the floor, with newspaper laid by those who were not in the supper buying party. We would all sit on the floor around the food, which was usually satay, fried kway teow, oyster omelette and hokkien mee. The food was sumptuous to a 5 year old like me then. He was always a cheerful man. It didn't matter how tired he was from work. When he was home, the house rang with his booming laughter. And he was always teasing her, bringing a coy smile to her face. At times they almost seem like a young courting couple.

------

It has been been so many years since I last met them. She still carried herself tall and proud, but with a softer demeanour, mellowed by the years. My heart broke when i saw her shoulders trembling as she sobbed. My eyes watered when the family cried their last farewell. It was then that I realised it didn't matter how I felt like an outsider when I was staying with them. They have always treated me as part of the family. Today we mourned as one.

Goodbye Sir. You have been a good father and husband. Rest in peace.

Happy Valentine's

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 06:20:57 +0800

The little puppy hopped enthusiastically against the metal grills separating the cages.

"What's up?" the old tom asked the eager beagle.

"He's back again!! He's back again!!!" she gushed.

He opened his one good eye and watched the excited puppy lazily.

"Who?"

"The boy who came yesterday!! I think he likes me!! I am sure I will be adopted soon!!!" she continued her elated dance against the grills.

"You never learn do you? Remember the last family who adopted you? They kept you for only what? One month? Before they sent you back here again?" The old tom stood up and yawned.

"But I am sick of staying here!!" She whined. "I want to have an owner to take care of me and love me!!"

"This is not the first time I am telling you this lass. AND this is not the first time you got sent back here. I don't want to see you coming back here again and whining to me about how much you miss them 'owners' of yours again." He lied down again and scratched his ear. "You should learn to be like me, eat when they offer you food, but be sparing with the affection you give them. You should learn to own them, not let them own you. And when you don't like it, just leave. no strings attached is a happy cat."

"But...but.. the festive season is coming... I don't want to be here alone during the festives! I want to be hugged and loved during the festives!!" She whined again.

"Learn, my dear girl, when are you ever gonna learn to break the cycle..." He sighed and closed his eye as his thoughts drifted to old days...

Affliction

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 07:30:15 +0800

leopard-in-treeHe crouched on the branch, with his tail swaying nervously, eyes scouring the ground below. The silence weighed heavily against his ears. He sniffed the air, trying to catch the alien scent again. The scent of predators.A soft growl escaped his throat in frustration. He remembered the days when he would challenge the intruders. He wished he was still at his prime, before that near fatal injury. It throbbed in response to his recollection. He licked the scar instinctively. A long livid line of raw pink stretching from his flank to thigh where no fur will grow again. It was a jarring disharmony to the rhapsody of black islands in a proud sea of gray, the coat that gave his clan identity.

The hunts were getting hard. Survival had always favoured the strong. And he knew he would not get any preferential treatment. Anxiety was eating his courage slowly but surely. He could taste the bile of panic rising up his throat as he thought of his beloved mate and the litter she was expecting by the next full moon. He spent most of his time recently away from his spouse, on the pretext of hunting. It would not be wise to reveal his despair to his mate.

A scuffle in the bush below brought him back to the task at hand. The wind brought the distinct scent of fear to him that was not his own. He swallowed his fear and leaped to the ground on sure silent paws. He knew he has to hunt. Not only for himself but for the survival of his mate and the coming litter. He roared a challenge and dived boldly forward...

James Brown is dead

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 18:46:50 +0800

James Brown is DeadMass hysteria, this is techno
House is not my home but it rocks though
I checked up on the late great J.B.
His death is said on national TV
How when, and why this are the main
Things that I heard when I stroll down the lake
Now memory, man are you with that
James Brown is dead

Total chaos, man it�s resurrected
I�m confused that things are gettin� hectic
In my brain, what is happenin�
Could this be a big misunderstanding
It is
The hardest working man in show biz is alive so
Don�t be mislead, cause the newsman said
James Brown is dead

James Brown is dead

James Brown is dead

Nightmare is over
Now I�m alone
Grab the mike rip shit an go for broke
Music masterpiece release with this
Now I will get much respect from EmCees
Along the way oh I heard him say
This is fly, this cool type of guy
He�s total, and I�m so bad
James Brown is dead

James Brown is dead

James Brown is dead

~ LA Style

~~~~~~~~~~

When this song by the Dutch techno group hit the charts in 1991, the song flooded the airwaves and ruled the dance floors in discotheques. I even had the song on a dance compilation cassette in my Walkman in those days. The big question then was why did they say that the King of funk and disco was dead when he was still very much alive. Some said that the song was referring to the death of his energetic style of music. Others claim the song was just about a prank a radio DJ played.

On Christmas morning 2006, LA Style's prophecy came true. The 'Godfather of Soul' died at the age of 73.

I have never been very much into his music when I was a kid. Yet whenever I saw him on TV performing, I was always captivated by his charisma that shines through his performance. Here was a man who made heads turn. When he performed his passion was so infectious that I would stop what I was doing and just stared at the TV, bobbing my head to his rhythm. This stage dynamo had a turbulent life. Yet he could brushed it all aside and preached love through his songs and music with an unmatched conviction.

James Brown is really dead.

RIP.

"Sometimes you struggle so hard to feed your family one way, you forget to feed them the other way, with spiritual nourishment. Everybody needs that."
~James Brown

Hermit of Punggol

Fri, 8 Dec 2006 14:24:50 +0800

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

How apt.

Crocodile Hunter

Mon, 4 Sep 2006 16:21:32 +0800

Devices and Desires

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 15:15:32 +0800

"The Republic is a vast and complex machine, powered by constitution and specification, with hundreds and thousands of human cogs, gears, cams, spindles, shafts, beams, arms, pawls, hands, keys, axles, cotters, manifolds, bearings, sears, pins, latches, flies, pistons, links, quills, leads, screws, drums and escapements, each performing in turn its specific operation. He was the last operation before the army was engaged, but he was a component of the whole; ordinances and directives drove him, his office and his duties were the keyway he travelled in. It wasn't as though he has any choice in the matter."
~excerpt from Devices and Desires by K J Parker.
When I read the above description of the fictitous technologically advanced City state, Merzentine, it inevitably reminded me of this city state we live in in real life. Every one of us is a part of the great Machine, performing our individual duty so that the Machine will function optimally. Any part that does not fit will have to be grinded to the correct specification. Any gear that resists the resizing will be broken, discarded and replaced, and forgotten in time.

Personal desires are tolerated only when it does not affect the process or delay the schedule in the big scheme of things.

Somehow, it unsettles me.

MSN Live Messenger

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 17:30:25 +0800

I happen to be one of those who always check for latest update/patch to most softwares I own and patches them without reading wat the patch is about. I just make the assumption that the latest is always the best, which is not always true. But what the hell, I just want to keep my life simple ya? Why the hell would the coders release a patch of there was nothing wrong?

Anyway, I have been using MSN Live Messenger aka MSN Messenger v 8.0 for a while now, since it's offical release. Seriously I do not know what was the difference between it and the earlier version(7.5 i think). Anyway everything was fine and dandy and I lived peacefully with v8 since the installation till a few days ago.It all started with me trying to contact a friend who is on web messenger(the official webbased version, not e-messenger). My messages all bounced back after a few minutes. After some tests and investigations, I found out that web version users can't see v8 users. In other words, if you are using the web version, you can safely assume that all the folks online on your contact list are either using web versions or versions before v8.0. If you are using v8.0, it is safe to assume that all those online in your contact list who are using web version(it is stated next to their nicks as 'web/status') are not able to see you.

Apparently, the network that the webbased version is not fully integrated with the v8.0 version. I found a (rather stupid) way to get around it. Log into both v8 and the web version. Yes, they are apparently on two different authentication servers unlike older versions. So now you have 2 versions of MSN messengers running on the same userID. You can basically ignore your web version now and use your v8.0 to communication with your friends on web version as per normal. In other words you are using your web version logged in as a bridge to reach those friends. You do not need to use the web interface(which I hate), to talk to them

Well, this seem to be the only way at the moment till those folks at MSN release an update to address this. If you are using v7.5, well, good for you.